WASHINGTON White House elf and EU ambassador Gordon Sondland has amended his closed door impeachment inquiry testimony to indicate that there was "definitely, absolutely a quid pro quo" regarding Ukrainian military aid. Sondland explained, "Gordon did not want to disappoint his master. Gordon thought the questioning was about quidditch. Gordon was a bad white House elf," while repeatedly striking himself in the head with Rudy Giuliani's false teeth as White House staff made no attempt to stop him. Then he added, "Gordon also does not want to go to jail."
