WASHINGTON -- President Bush declared in an interview that he quit masturbating in 2003 out of respect for the families of Americans killed in the war in Iraq. "I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to know the Commander-in-Chief could be spanking the monkey in the Lincoln bedroom" Bush said Tuesday. "I feel I owe it to the families to be as -- to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think waxing the weasel during a war just sends the wrong signal." He also noted that vice President Cheney recently gave up shooting people in the face as a means to boost troop morale.
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